If It's Halloween, It Must Be SAW

His Message Is Righteous. His Love Is Everlasting. His Gift Is Life.

Trick or Treat?

Bloodshot: Damn, that skank was delicious! I want more!
Mr. Fangs: Save your appetite, Red Eyes. Don't forget we have a party to crash tonight. My fangs are already sharpened.
Skellie: Sorry guys, can I be counted out? My arthritis' acting up again. I need calcium, not hemoglobin.
Mr. Fangs: Don’t be a spoilsport. We agreed to go as a trick-or-treating trio. You know what a 'trio' means?
Bloodshot: Methinks Skellie's scared of having another boner.
Skellie: What?! Am not!
Bloodshot: Are too!
Skellie: AM NOT!
Bloodshot: ARE TOO!
Mr. Fangs: Shut the hell up! Right now! Before I de-ghoulize the both of you!

Phantoms and Monsters

You don't see me raving about other blogs here that often, but this is one I strongly endorse and recommend - especially if you're (like me) a 'student' of all things paranormal, supernatural and cryptozoological. Yeah, baby!

(If you haven't the slightest interest in the above subjects, however, then you're better off surfing National Geographic.)

Dong Wei??

Is this the same Hong Kong stunt/action coordinator/choreographer Dong Wei we're talking about here? Are times so terok now that he has to hawk houses in Singapore? Well, there's one (convenient) way to find out…call that4number!

That Creepy Gnome

The Sun of the U.K. in March this year published an 'exclusive' report (picked up from Argentine national newspaper El Tribuno) about a possible prank...we mean, gnome sighting in General Güemes, Salta, Argentina.

According to perpetrators...we mean, eyewitnesses (namely teenager Jose Alvarez and his nocturnal hang-out homies), the midget creature, which the locals allude to a duende*, approached them outdoors at approximately 1 a.m. – ambling sideways a la a crab while simultaneously barking and pelting stones.

*A duende is a fairy- or goblin-like spirit common in Spanish and Latin American mythology, congruous to the Irish leprechaun.

Daddy's Girls

How much truth is there in the bywords 'daddy's girl' and 'mommy's boy'? Plenty, I posit. Why, because opposites attract? Somehow, both seem to carry negatory connotations - in that the former suggests spoilt-brattiness and the latter dependency.

Many, Many Mentos

With this much freshmaking boost, William Hung could feel like William Fitchner and burglarize Gotham National Bank.

Bankruptcy

The bankruptcy of Lehman Brothers, with holdings of over US$600 billion in assets, is the largest such filing in American history.
Now siao liao, lah. Singaporeans all kalang-kabut - selling off shares so that they don't have to sell backsides.

Little Red Riding Hood

Should Little Red Riding Hood be afraid of the Big Bad Wolf, or vice versa - seeing that Hoodie's eyes are completely gouged out and her sockets as kosong as Darry Jenner's after the Creeper got to him?

Rainy Day at the Bus Stop

Talk about plans ruined. Was all psyched and ready for my 3 p.m. topo-photo tour of Jalan Membina until it started to pour like sheets. Commuters at this bus shelter must be similarly feeling wet and waspish - and praying that their rides would arrive pronto to relieve them of their clammy wretchedness. Rainy days, they really get to you.

Shubh Dipawali

~ A Thousand Years of Good Prayers ~

Log On. Take Over.

WWE 'Universe' (alternate word for 'fans', as ordered by anal Chairman of the Board Vince McMahon) is called to vote this weekend, deciding which 'entertainer' (again, alternate word for 'wrestler') and what type of match they wish to see on the CYBER SUNDAY PPV card.
CM Punk (postered) is in the mix with his tag partner Kofi Kingston, but will they their championship match with Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, Jr. be polled in?

Why So Luan?

Isn't it more lucid and straightforward to say "50¢ per half hour ALL DAY" (for cars) or "65¢ ROUND THE CLOCK" (for motorcycles)? Why go through all that trouble to confuse drivers/motorists who're already 'concussed' from a day of ERP raid?

Nuffin' Beta 2 Eat

Antsy afternoon. Feeling Ferrero. Relished Rochers. Sunday siesta. Upsy daisy. Chomp more chocs? Bring on the cals!

The Sooties and the Apple Tree (R21)

...and so the sooty siblings arrive at the giant green apple tree, which has been planted since 2000. Soot Boy climbs up the ladder and plucks an apple for Soot Girl.

SB: Here you go! A sweet juicy apple for my beautiful little sister!

SG: Thanks, but wow...there are so many more of them up on that tree.

SB: I know. But I plucked this one specially for you. Take it. Eat it.

SG: And those leaves look just like Mom's perm.

SB: Don't be silly now. Women don't produce sperm.

SG: I didn't say 'sperm'. I said 'perm'.

SB: Okay, whatever. Are you gonna take the apple or not? My butt hurts.

SG: Blame it on yourself for not getting those piles treated.

SB: Dammit! If you're not gonna take this bloody apple, then I'm gonna fucking throw it away.

SG: Throw it away, then. Like I even care. Faggot.

SB: That's it! No doggy for you tonight, bitch!

Thai Coffin Ceremony

Raintree/ Scorpio East release THE COFFIN is inspired by this true Thai ritual called the Coffin Ceremony. It's supposed to rid one of all bad luck and illnesses, but at the expense of your loved one - transferring your negative karma to that person. Reel or real? Science or superstition? Coke or Pepsi?

Simply Amazing

For this non-elimination leg of The Amazing Race (everyone rejoice!), contestants can finally kick off their kickers and rollick in movable sale heaven. As with the Men's Bazaar earlier this month, one can find all kinds of TAR merchandise here, including host Phil Keoghan's oft-worn choker and an aerial map of producer Jerry Bruckheimer's 110-acre farm in Bloomfield, Kentucky. Grab 'em!

Pansy Puss

Kuniang Kuching reclining by the kettle - the same one we drink from...

Paige Turner

2008 appears to be a gainful-enough year for 20ish (actual age unknown) industry prentice Paige Chua, an NUS FASS graduate who snagged not one but three plum parts in a trine of prime-time teledramas - JUST IN SINGAPORE (as Fiona Xie's sister Carol), LA FEMME (Zoe Tay's sister-in-law Tingting) and CRIME BUSTERS X 2 (Tay Ping Hui's love interest Yu Jie).

As one doctorate dissertation poses: "What does the future hold in store?" [sic]

Meef Doodles

Third installment – the first in close to two years – in the intermittent 'doodles' series. This was what a famished Seemong scarfed down for his post-SQC meeting lunch last Wednesday. Yours truly ain't a big bovine meat buff, yet the beef cutlets admittedly look tender and the soup flavorsome. (Does this dish give one peculiarly foul breath, though?)

Moji...NOT

those crafty jipunese are really mastering the art of mimicry, aren't they? just when you thought you could take a morsel of these moji ice cream samples, it says "only for display"

TELETUBBIES (PG)

Eh-oh! Welcome to Tubbytronic Superdome! It's yet another fun-filled day with your friends Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po, who'll not only teach you tots gurgling baby language (read: gibberish) but also open your parents' minds to unconventional sexual behaviors.

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Do Not Disturb

Try your level best to observe train etiquette and not disrupt this dumpee-turned-disciple's momentary meditation to procure inner peace: "Can't believe a decent leng chai like me has been ditched for a debase sei chai like him…"

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Pull with Both Hands

Since Mr. Fastidious here has the ritualistic habit of washing his fugly wok-greased face every afternoon, one of these higher-tech paper towel dispensers will definitely come in handy. Perhaps Chesterton International can look into installing them in our Orchard Towers latrines?

THE LITTLE NYONYA ( 小 娘 惹 )

Commemorating Channel 8's 45th anniversary (and wrapping up a wondrous 2008) is MediaCorp's year-end blockbuster drama THE LITTLE NYONYA, starring (2 of 7) princesses Jeanette Aw and Joanne Peh. The Peranakan-themed entrée also features Qi Yu Wu, Pierre Png and Apple Hong in prominent roles, and promises to be yet another mega-budget, super-serious period production in the glorious tradition of THE AWAKENING and THE PRICE OF PEACE.
Talks are already rife (in forums) that the November launcher will give last season's ratings winner THE GOLDEN PATH a run for its money, but I say it all remains to be seen at this point. Patience.

PiE KiA

If you can find a punky monkey with ear piercing, brow tattoo and hair highlights working as a store manager, then it must be at PiE KiA. Ho seh, boh?

What's This? (Part 3)

Conclusive evidence of a cheating husband's EMA with his Boyanese seamstress? Even more conclusive evidence of the Pentagon's and President Eisenhower's blatant cover-up of the 1947 Roswell Incident? Nah! It's actually a light indicator for lot availability in indoor car parks (red, in this case, means 'taken'). Gotcha!

Easter Island

The Polynesian island of Rapa Nui is famous for its many monolithic statues known as moai. I've long wondered to myself if these enigmatic human figures, which face inland and are chiefly aringa ora of deified ancestors, were erected to bless the clan or curse the foe. Or both. Or neither. Hmm...

Hwee Teng's Prize

Having named one of her doggy breeds (Shetland Sheepdog) and answered a consequent question correctly, Tiger Tan won herself a Hill's Science Diet (is that a young Heath Ledger on the box?) - courtesy of Pet Lovers Centre - for her two prized pooches Caesar and Simba. Well done, gal!

~ Cheel ~

To their collective credit, Tom Dickinson, Dick Harrelson and Harry Thomson were smashing in their marathon sales pitch. These Caucasian gentlemen could really sell ice to an eskimo (or water to a whale, if you like). But let's not kid ourselves now: most of us onlookers were merely sticking around for the complimentary Coke.

Coming of Age

5Amelia Fong (left) and her fraternal twin Kelly Chua looking sweet and innocent when they first joined us as CPT students more than three years ago.
6Good to know the girls are still tight as spandex, although the PQAC will be scrapping the said course w.e.f. January 1, 2009. What?

Katsudon

Late lunch with 'Miss Dubai' (her treat!) at Suntec's Hamoru Japanese (Mini) Restaurant by Food Republic was hearty and enjoyable: I barely finished my hefty bowl of condimented rice topped with egg and deep-fried pork sirloin. (*Burp*) Oh, and there was also the indispensable miso soup. And green tea. Arigato gozaimasu!

20TH CENTURY BOYS

The premise (a modern-day prophecy of Armageddon) is intriguing. The source material (Naoki Urasawa's award winning manga) is pedigree. The filmization, per contra, is ho hum. Despite its folie de grandeur, Chapter 1 of the ¥6 billion trilogy is all but a disappointment.

Tarantula

Representing the Decepticons in TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN is Tarantula, a family-sized saloon car that can, at the command of its leader Megatron, metamorphose into an eight-legged freak. Distributed by Trans Eurokars.

Shark Fin Melon

In what way, shape or form is this melon a semblance of a shark's fin? Go figure.

Victor Wong (1927 – 2001)

Fans of the 3 NINJA franchise won't be unfamiliar with deceased American character actor Victor Wong, who plays Grandpa Mori Tanaka. Others may remember him as Chen Pao Shen in Bernardo Bertolucci's THE LAST EMPEROR. For me, the beloved stroke-stricken mien will always belong in such John Carpenter gems as PRINCE OF DARKNESS ("Say goodbye to classical reality, because our logic collapses on the subatomic level into ghosts and shadows") and BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA (Egg Shen!).

Let's Talk

Welcome to my brand new talk show Tonight with Ah Tan. As this is our maiden taping, may I implore the kind studio audience to cooperate by applauding and appearing 'agape' whenever the camera pans over your seats? Speaking of which, can we have all three of you paid fillers move up to the front so that the rear section can be tarped off altogether? Thank you very much. And, by the way, we'll be standing by a laugh track - you know, just in case ;-)

Olifaunt

5Descried the soon-to-be-DBA's newest artistic acquisition whilst anticipating our 15 fleeting minutes of ASIAN DRAGONS RISING fame.

Turn of 'Death'

The wicked right turn from Orchard into Paterson hasn't borne witness to any fatal vehicular accident as yet, but the alarming four-lane pile-up during peak hours can seriously agitate one to death - especially when you're riding in a callous metered cab (with surcharge).

Toilet Ducks

Howdya know if your toilet bowl's 99.9% germ-free and squeaky...I beg your pardon, quacky clean? Well, you don't - until you use Walter Düring's patented Toilet Duck to cleanse under the rim. No such fuss/hassle for our family/household; we rely on our fingers and tongues to do the job :-P

Running On Empty

Photo stock nearly depleted. Need to repopulate. Soon.

PC (Politically Correct/Challenged)

Did anyone see DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES' Gaby (Eva Longoria) 'run down' (pun intended) a paraplegic at the parking lot? "Don't play victim with me", she barks. "I had to walk in heels all day long, you get to sit in a chair and roll". OMFG. LOL.

okto

Singapore is launching her 8th and latest free-to-air TV channel - following 5, 8, U, Suria, Central, CNA and TV Mobile - on 19th oktober 2008 (Sunday). Here, viewers will find 105 extra hours of predominantly younger-skewing programming every week, and one unique feature of this UHF broadcast broadband is the inclusion of User Generated Content (UGC) on its oktobite belt, where sofa spuds like me and you can send in our own vid clips (are we thinking AFV?).

Having said all that, I doubt I'll be tuning my boob tube to receive okto. Save for the occasional PAN'S LABYRINTH (and - bah! - why must it be this movie??), I don't think I'll be missing much. Or will I?

* Golden Toast *

A way overdue yum seng to the new Mr. & Mrs. Loh, who must now be honeymooning in Monaco.

Human Thermostat

That's moi! I know I'm "more confused than a cow on Astroturf" (haha good one!) when I set my room air-conditioning first to 18˚C, then to 26˚C, and only to turn it off later. Afterward, I'll turn it back on again, then set it to 18˚C, and so forth... My poor Fujitsu must be feeling damn frustrated, but I can't help it! Do you guys sleep with the air-con on or off? Better yet, do you guys sleep with your clothes on or off?? :-X