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Biz Iz Biz

(See: Sign outside FairPrice) We know, we get it:
x Ganja.
x Nude photography.
x Rabid terriers.
x Same-sex figure skating a la BLADES OF GLORY.
Right? Don't sweat out yet, worrywarts, I'm only here for Polleney honey and three lemons. Duh.

The Glass Roof

and the macquarie pacific star office was still wondering where all that rain water came from...

The Viking and His Nurse

On Halloween night last month, Jimmy Chia became Berserker the Norse Warrior who had one drink too many. His anonymous Nightingale was on hand to ensure things didn't get too 'woozy'.

Lay Long Sa!

Trust me, if a girl is true to you, then she will love you for who you are; your personality and sense of devotion will be what she sees in you, not your presentability and sense of dressing. It is, therefore, perfectly fine to wear sloppy sa bought from lay long shops like this5 - even to her grandmother's 80th birthday dinner at The Fullerton.

Chips Ahoy!

Shelf upon shelf of chips, crackers, Doritos, Tostitos(?), and what-have-yous. Grab a bag, or two, or even three. It's the weekend, for cryin' out loud. You should be having a junk food soiree with your sisters-in-law - that is, if you haven't already scheduled one.

Romantic Double Bill - THE LAKE HOUSE

5To have and to hold: Keanu Reeves reunites with his SPEED co-star Sandra Bullock after 12 lengthy years of 'unrequited love'.

Hollywood, as we know, has a long-standing history of plagiarizing and pauperizing quality Asian fare. In the case of THE LAKE HOUSE, for a change, it's a dignified tribute to its Korean counterpart/predecessor IL MARE.
What do a house by the sea, a dog and a magical mailbox have in common? Argentine filmmaker Alejandro Agresti has elected an almost shot-by-shot re-architecturing of the 2000 romance, which I remember watching at Shaw Lido with my ex-neighbor-slash-uni mate Pei San, and the result is largely agreeable.

Dopey dreamers, here's your pre-Valentine ticket to Wonderland.

Romantic Double Bill - THE NOTEBOOK

5Behind every great love is a great story: Noah is about to read to his lifelong soulmate Allie.

Cynics who scoff at the possibility of timeless love will turn into true-blue converts after they've seen Nick Cassavetes' THE NOTEBOOK, which is based on Nicholas Sparks' New York Times bestseller.
While most MTV watchers will remember this movie for the rambunctious love-hate-love relationship between the two telegenic young leads Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams, who are engaging together (particularly in the rain scene), I personally prefer the quiet interstices shared by the evergreen pair of seniors James Garner and Gena Rowlands.

Nice Pits!

If Elva can sweeten our subway station platforms with her Rexona-smooched underarms, so can you hairy fairies!

mio TV

Below are just some of the many exciting programs our valued subscribers can look forward to next month on (sia) mio (hoon) TV:

• E-CAM - A round-the-clock observation of the Trumanized life of a sheltered electronut.
• QUEEN OF SIAM - A situational dramedy spotlighting ERA's most 'siamese' employee who can skive through an entire day without doing any work.
• CRY, BABY CRY - An award winning short film based on the world's first sobbing shrimp that becomes so unhinged at the prospect of taking a practical test she needs a beer binger to calm her frazzled nerves.

Berry Merry

3Strawberry Shortcake, now in her early teens, has a very special surprise for all her longtime fanciers this coming Christmas – freshly baked Gingerbread Men who narrowly escaped the fox's jaws of death but not the Freckled One's mittens of doom. Any takers?

Soul of Japan

By driving this car, you'll be shouldering the live souls of 128 million Japanese as well as the lost souls of 120,000 more from the 1945 atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Are you still prepared to 'cham' the accelerator?

Bridget Teo

Saw her yesterday. Will see her again today and tomorrow. Not solely her, but her entire quartet of Aarti, Shabreen and Sheela.

B-Ball Boi

After 8½ long hours of continuous dribbling, passing, shooting and rebounding (in short: drilling), Singapore Sports School prodigy Sng Kiew is finally heading home...for another 2½ hours of Wii basketballing -_-

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MUJI

"MUJI is not a brand. MUJI does not make products of individuality or fashion, nor does MUJI reflect the popularity of its name in its prices. MUJI creates products with a view toward global consumption of the future..." Gee, like how much more pretentious and ostentatious can this thing get? :-S

Age Is Just a Number?

Am I only entitled to one birthday wish? Can I drink Pepsi and ask for more? I want:
(1) A Nokia N810 Internet Tablet WiMAX Edition.
(2) Flat screen LCD monitors (doesn't matter what brand) for home and work use.

(3) A CAPE NO. 7 OST.

(4) New pairs of socks and briefs.

(5) A piping hot bowl of souped mee tai mak (with lots of dong cai, pepper, soy sauce and cut chilli padi).

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Bloody Shit Hub

BLOODY SHIT! THIS IS NOT A BLOODY WHITE TRASH TRAILER IN BLOODY BISBEE, ARIZONA! THIS IS A BLOODY SHIT HUB VAN IN BLOODY BEO CRESCENT, SINGAPORE!

"AHHHHH..."

It's been estimated that a cat yawns on the average of 109,500 times in his life. While this may seem like an astronomical number, it's only 15 times in a day (taking feline life expectancy to be 20 years). For the record, I've seen people (i.e. humans) yawn more times on the bus/train on their way to work. Back to the photo: the inside of Hogan's mouth really resembles that of a Malayan python, hur?

The Shrewds

If Vinnie Mac is the devil of recreational sports, then Paul Heyman (right) and Eric Bischoff (far right) must be his demonic emissaries. As former head honchos of ECW and WCW, respectively, inherent hustlers Heyman and Bischoff were single-handedly responsible for red-letter novelties like extreme-style rasslin' and, of course, the nWo. Gotta give these guys credit.

Zhangde

"In the quest to provide all Zhangde-rens with a complete education, the school programmes are designed to develop them cognitively, aesthetically, morally, physically and socially. The challenge is to foster a school environment and culture conducive to learning, growth, innovation and enterprise." (Source: Internet) Sounds a lot like Montessori, I say...

Mickey Rourke

First things first: Nothing I say or write here can even begin to do justice to the blistering piece of story blazoned by Entertainment Weekly sometime back. Thank you, Kok Hoong, for taking the time and trouble to scan and e-mail me the (eight-page?) write-up on erstwhile bad boy-turned-comeback kid Mickey Rourke. It was a most penetrating read, indeed. A high-definition version of the official trailer to THE WRESTLER can be found here. Watch it and witness what a revelation he's become.

Emergency Stop

Dear Commuters, please be reminded that the Emergency Stop Button CANNOT be used for the following purposes:
1. To catch the 'tunnel scenery' more carefully.
2. To 'adjust your alignment' so that your standing posture can be more shuai.
3. To be deliberately late for work because there's an SQC meeting at 9 a.m.
4. To make others throw up from 'trainsickness'.
5. For the fun of it.

Bourgeoisie

Poor Esmeralda. She didn't leave the Philippines to sign up for this. Carlos lied to her, but it's all too late now. Every evening she has to walk her family 'pet' like this. It's tedious and tiring, but she has no choice. And it'll only get worse when the girl grows up...

The Twilight Zone

Has anything peculiar happened to you today? Did you arrive at the outpost to find the entrance barricaded and zombies loitering outside? Were faucets and flushes in the penthouse pee rooms refusing to budge? Was mealtime an arduous affair where meats kept multiplying themselves? All these oddball occurrences – however unbelievable and unexplainable they may be – can befall you when you're living in...the Twilight Zone. (*Cue classic theme*)

Lion ValueCall

Exactly what does "unused portion of coins" mean? The minty core? Or the ridged crust?? Pfft.

Say 'Hi'!

Given our current economic gloom, passive shoppers here can only expect more early season's greetings props (asses alert!) such as this revolvable mistletoe at the piazza of Shaw House. Photo op with Hansel and Gretel (she's shy), anyone?

CAPE NO. 7

In these trying times when inflation and unemployment are on the climb whereas blog entries (particularly here) plummet to barely one per day, chartbuster CAPE NO. 7 comes along and puffs some needed fresh air into our prolonged sullen state - or so they say. As to how true that is (or how big a splash this 'moviedom messiah' is set to make in Singapore), let us hold our breaths until opening day on November 27, 2008!

Membina from Above

Due to torrential disruption, I wasn't able to undertake my topographic tour of Jalan Membina (opposite Tiong Bahru Plaza) the last time. This time, howbeit, the weather god smiled on me (and he looked somewhat gay?), so I was finally able to confirm my suspicions: Save for this tipsy 'plunge' shot, half the satellite town's as 'happening' as Becca's backyard after Boxing Day (I dunno what that means, either).

Boy n da Hood

A typical day in the life of young Mohammad Sharif (no propinquity to the same-name Bangladeshi cricketer) comprises eating, sleeping and playing Bomberman on his PSP. Unsurprising, then, that little potbelly's starting to show.

Tulpa

As much as I've read up quite a bit on the otherworldly, I must admit Tibetan mysticism is something entirely new to me. I first came across the term 'thought-form' on where else but P&M. After doing some research online, I learnt that thoughtforms are manifestations of mental energy created through sheer willpower. That's, like, WOW! In Tibet, it's called 'tulpa' - and wouldn't it be so cool to summon one of these mofos to do our bidding?

Oochet Loot

Aghast Christie! This, my countrymen, is dupery of the highest degree! Those avaricious authorities must think they can pull wool over our eyes by gussying up the ERP gantries with pre-season spangle...which's prolly just as well, since we're in desperate need of some Christmas cheer ~

The Road Less Traveled

Sometimes in life we make difficult decisions and take the road less traveled to reach our destination; other times, it's much faster and easier to take the Mass Rapid Transit. Such struggles between sense & sensibility...

LAND OF THE GIANTS

Don't know which is funnier - those artificial looking sets and cheesy 'special effects' employed in the campy 1968-1970 sci-fi series or that the show per se was set in the 'futuristic' year of 1983. 1983, mind you! The year when Microsoft Mouse was first released into the computer market! Methinks there must be some sort of space-time continuum discrepancy here...

Toilet Training Tips

So you think proper toilet training is important for (and restricted to) pets? Wait till you see what hygienists have in stall for some of us habitual 'bowl abusers':

5Why? Afraid our flabby + sweaty fanny might create a vacuum against the rim of the seat until the suction causes us to get stuck?

5What if we're shitting and gettin' jiggy wit it at the same time?

"Courtesy Is for Free..."

Does everyone remember Singa our beloved courtesy campaign mascot? (I used to sketch one of these for art class in primary school.) Conceived in 1982, the smiling lion - as opposed to the three man-mauling tigers in Mandai - is already 26 years old (94 in cat years!). But why issit that S'poreans are still so impolite one, har? Jialat.

New Shower Head

Contending with a sputtering shower head was a no-go ('specially when you're dealing with shampoo and conditioner); getting the nagging nozzle replaced was, wherefore, a bullet to the broken bronco - unpleasant but necessary. Now, at least, the celebrated Ho Swee Bathroom Idol Concert can be resumed :-P

Riverview

Harking back to the radical days when Tan Sing Poh and Mark Syn were a daffy fag couple, our camp held its CO Night (or something I don't much care to recall anymore) at Havelock Road's 3-stars-max Riverview Hotel. My 'strange bedfellow' Ken Tan was there and I think I wore a wig?? :-X

Who Am I?

The perfectionistic PhotoBlogger who finds beauty in variant typography and inanimate entities; who hates camwhoring narcissists with phony smiles and simu-poses; who loves tweaking his own writing until it pleases only himself and no one else.
Now what?

Jason's Perishables

Mr. Md. Sapeinge Jamil (siang?) must be elated now that his prized/pricey Gourmet Grocer has undergone a complete overhaul and is an inch closer to becoming District 9's West Edmonton Mall.
Just check out (in both senses of the phrase) those racks of fresh fruits and vegetables, if you need further proof.

The 'Stickman' Says...

"Be my Puppet Master and show me the /strings/."

The Core

neither molten lava nor melted caramel; keep guessing...

Robbers Gone Crazy

I understand we're in the midst of a financial storm (what with DBS retrenching 900 staff and rumors of HSBC following suit with 600), but is a one-man heist really the way to solve all problems? And how stupid can the bugger be? Cross-dressing as a woman while sporting a stubble?!

TNA

Jeff Jarrett (yes, 'Double J') and Dixie Carter can tout all they want, but Total Nonstop Action is - and will always be - a poor man's WWE. I'm sorry, folks, but that's the sad fact.
With all due respect to the legendary Sting, who made it a point to never work for Vince McMahon, fans of professional wrestling deserve a better alternative product.
I mean, just look at TNA's stable of 'stars' - they're no more than firees/quitters of their chief rival WWE. Booker T, Christian (Cage), even top dog Kurt Angle.
Again, I can't emphasize enough that I have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for Sting. He, too, deserves better.

Strap on!

It needn't take a traffic policeman in Manila to tell you how dangerous it is to ride pillion on your Rivendell, but with this safety seat it's a different story. Heck, Junior can even enjoy a Happy Meal™ behind while you're biking away in front.

The ErecTion

Mea culpa for the incidental innuendo. Months into The ConsTruction and we can see the SERS 2011 project taking shape. Very soon, those raunchy rednecks will be able to peer straight into our living room and poke us with their stilts.

INTO THE MIRROR

5Hocus pocus: Eisoptrophobia comes into full play.

The Koreans are known for their sappy melodramas and sanguinary war sagas, but horror? THE PHONE is passable at best and A TALE OF TWO SISTERS is way overpraised. The only spooker I recommend from the Land of the Morning Calm is GEOUL SOKEURO (rehashed in LaLa Land as MIRRORS). Predicated on our phobia of reflections (as can be explained here), this stylish, sinister and minimalistic 2003 film makes one think twice before gazing into the looking glass again.

Sex King

3The badge says it all: Next time you decide to veer off the road and take a detour route, beware of the self-proclaimed 'Sex King', who'll accost you halfway and 'star-69 your ass' (ref: M. Evans)!