Page Sam Gerard NOW!

* * * WANTED * * *
(USED TO BE CAUGHT. BUT RAN AWAY. SO NOW WANTED AGAIN.)

Do we have spider holes in Singapore??
Bad boy! No more ketupats for you!

A Career That Commands Respect

Especially for those chow keng men, cho bo lan sergeants and siao on officers - you really gotta 'respect' these cads for shaping (and reinforcing) our ummee's reputation. ROFLMAO.

Eat Drink Man Woman

I don't consider myself to have mastered the art of using chopsticks (I do okay), but I've seen worse (e.g. some helpless Yankees, or Westerners in general). My Inner Mongolian colleague Li Fei, on the other hand, uses chopsticks to eat separate grains of rice! A true Chinaman, indeed. (I won't be surprised at all if he uses them to drink soup, as well!)

The Big Show

Schoolchildren from various secondaries sit around for a pre-show briefing at the Career and Education Fair 2008, which once again emanates from Suntec Convention Hall. And, no, Miley Cyrus won't be here to sign autographs.

Mark of a Champion

Question: What would Buddy Rogers or Bruno Sammartino think?

When Life Gives You Limes...

Discard them and demand only lemons so that you can make lemonade :-D

Golden (Gateless?) Bridge

Do not confuse our Golden Bridge along Shenton Way with San Francisco's world famous landmark because, quite frankly, they ain't the same ballpark. They ain't the same league, either. Heck, they ain't even the same fucking sport. Sounds familiar?

THE SUICIDE CLUB (M18)

5"Sore de wa mina-san, sayōnara." ("Well then, goodbye everybody.")

THE SUICIDE CLUB, Sion Sono's notorious essay on unexplained (teen) suicides in Japan, spurred a wave of controversy in its country for the grim premise and gory presentation as an 'art form'. Despite a fiction, the rudiments are realistic and disturbing - and the finger of blame points to subterranean music with encoded/subliminal messages of death.
In Singapore, we have had recent cases where 'victims' jumped MRT tracks at stations to be crushed by approaching trains (see movie scene above). Some lived, others didn't. What could be the cause of these suicide attempts? Remember: Always read deeper into the story.

'Every Day is Valentine's Day'

...is proclaimed by the same people who wish everyone 'Happy Friendship Day'. News: Not every day is Valentine's Day. There's only ONE V-Day and it's on February 14. Also, there's no 'Friendship Day'. It's for losers who can't get hitched on V-Day. Sue this scoffer.

Harry's Herald

Boozehounds (and libidinous sailors) can look forward to many 'Harry's Happy Times' with the pub's Crazy Hour Promotion from Monday to Friday (5.21 p.m. to 7.36 p.m.). For a "very small price tag" you get a pint of draught beer, a bowl of mixed nuts and a slew of exotic dancers doing bad Nancy LaMott impressions. Sounds good?

Homeless Sport

Ritter has been an orphan all his life. At the age of 14 days (or 14 human years) he was shipped to Jason's Supermarket to await adoption from any kind shopper. On this special day a man named Ah Tan picked him out from the shelf, but what will be the fate of this homeless sport?

extra

Nurul Izzah Anwar

Will she win against UMNO heavyweight Datuk Sharizat Jalil in the Lembah Pantai constituency?

extra

Reno 911

What could've prodded me to post this? Perhaps it's in tandem with the ensuing entry? Or perhaps, as another nod to nuttynut, it's just a 'randomization' of things. (*Shrug*) Either way, I needa get ma groove back. And soon.

Do Not (Start to) Cross

OR RISK BECOMING A STATISTIC IN ONE OF OUR TRAFFIC POLICE'S APATHETIC ANNUAL REPORTS.

YOUR CALL, BROTHER.

Larry King

He's a leading face of American pop culture. Like Jay Leno, Larry King's regular cameos as himself in motion pictures (e.g JOHN Q and ENEMY OF THE STATE) give contemporary value and gravitas to issues and subject matters portrayed on screen.
Is there another radio/TV personality, by the way, who wears suspenders like he does? Wahaha...

Kish kish (NC16)

Ham-ham 1: Aye, there's something I wanna tell you.
Ham-ham 2: Yes, ladylove? I'm all ears - literally.
Ham-ham 1: I'm feeling randy. Can we foreplay?
Ham-ham 2: Er, can I say no? The last time we did that you bit me so bad I was bleeding all over my body. Even my fur's half-shed...
Ham-ham 1: Oh. But whoever said animal sex wasn't gonna be rough, right?
Ham-ham 2: I know. But no thanks. I'll pass.

EtonHouse

"Inspired by the International Baccalaureate Organization’s PYP program, the Te Whariki curriculum (New Zealand) and the Reggio Emilia educational project (Italy), EtonHouse's curriculum focuses on inquiry learning." (Paraphrased from the Internet)

P/S: I learn their fees are nothing short of exorbitant, if not astronomical :-X

LP2B

Date already set for the Big Day - on our birthday (same day) this year. Now, on to the de rigueur dowry - chopsticks, chamber pot, embroided quilt, rubber plantation! Can't hardly wait!

It's Nuts!

So many nuts, so few Tupperware...

Waylaid in Wilderness

Singapore may be a Lilliputian nation (only 682.7 sq km in aggregate land area), but there's still plenty of boondocks (does that sound vulgar?) to get lost in. Imagine trekking quarterway in the nature reserve and running into a...wild boar. What were you thinking? A middle-aged flasher?

We Won!

The Youth Olympics is in the noose, and the noose is in the heir. Singapore has done it! We made the world's longest popiah! And, we also edged out Moscow (narrowly?) to win the hosting bid for YOG 2010! As a nod to SMHE, woots!

The Tribe Has Spoken: IOC chief Jacques Rogge goes national with his committee's 53-to-44 voting decision. There's no kelong here, folks!

All Smiles: PM Lee (we're both lefties!) hasn't been this ecstatic since Budget 2008.

Aircon Cat

Cats are remarkably resilient creatures. Don't reminisce ever descrying one strewn dead by the roadside (have you?). Believe that's because they possess very strong survival instincts (and recuperative powers, too?). This 'feraline' (read: 'feral feline') roosting atop an aircon unit behaved sickly when I by-passed her/him on my way to the zhi char stall ahead, but I bet the Whiskered One will be up and hopping in no time.

七 仔

想 不 想 也 买 一 只 来 玩 啊?

i care

Shouldn't we all care about the detrimental greenhouse effect and global warming? (One Clement Yun said it was snowing in Osaka.) It's an inconvenient truth, yes, but even guys like Bono and Al Gore are aggressively campaigning for a healthier Gaia. It's time, then, for us to start chucking plastic bags in favor of 'organic carriers'.

Brenda's 'Blisters'

SPH Brenda's periodic act of altruism brings forth another endorphin-producing confection of cherry, blisters and kiwi...sorry, did I say 'blisters'? Blame Pedal Works.

UNO

Disclosure: The inner-geek in me says I should rekindle my long-lost fervor for UNO. Harks right back those detention days :-P

Cabbie Woes =(

Cab fare hikes (resulting in a decline of passengers), escalating oil prices, inflationary pressures on the whole... This taxi uncle's woes are nowhere near the end. And he can't even negotiate a turn without bumping into a bus. Argh!

Andrea Fonseka

Beauty pageant winner-turned-television celebrity-turned-law undergraduate - with plenty in between.
Hot heavens.

Empire in the Sun

The urbanites of UE Square spend up to thirteen hours a day toasting in the sun. A majority of them, understandably, can pass off as Louis Koo.

Auricularia Auricula-judae

More commonly known as Jew's Ear, or Judas' Ear - although not as common as I would eat it (don't catechize my sentence construction now). This whole 'quarry' of jelly fungi, seen/sold at Kovan's Heartland Mall, must've taken ages to pick.

The Midwich Children

"All Your Damned Village Are Belong To Us [sic]."

Faucets

The Kim family is well known for their prodigal ways. We hear (from Rosetta their Filipino maid who used to work for T. T. Durai that) there are altogether 28 water taps - albeit not golden ones - in the household, which are used for various activities like washing old Mr. Kim's toupée and replicating the great Niagara Falls. Fantastic, innit?

Speed Racer

Sighted a Formula One race car in the heart of Orchard Road last week on my way home from work. Could this shiny piece of machinery be the same one that made a roaring appearance at this evening Chingay Parade @ City Hall? (Recognize the Red Bull regalia.) Rather impressive, I would say. (No wonder the F1 tix are costing such a bomb.)

Nectarines

cultivars of mystical proportions...

The Freaks of Wrestling

WWE's 'Hall of Freaks':

The Ugandan Giant Kamala (right, with his 'handler' Kim Chee) couldn't pin an opponent correctly even if his life depended on it.

Damien Demento, as forgettable as he is (his recent YouTube rants don't mean nothin'), does have the distinction of wrestling - and losing to - the Undertaker in the first ever main event of Raw.

Papa Shango, who later 'reincarnated' as Kama the Ultimate Fighting Machine and - more famously - The Godfather, was a 'voodoo practitioner' patterned after Bond villain Baron Samedi.

The Boogeyman's still on the payroll, but time may be running out fast for this worm-eating freakazoid.

Tuck in Your Elbows!

"Listen up very carefully, you platoon of worthless recruits. The 3Low Wall of this week's Standard Obstacle Course is sponsored by Columbia Sportswear Company, understand? What? I can't hear you. Louder!"

Jay Jay the Jet Plane

I may be an airliner, but I look eerily human (maybe even like Joe Pesci). My friends Tracy, Snuffy and Herky know me as the best mystery solver in all of Tarrytown. Jealous?

PercenTage

2 Donuts + 1 Smart Aleck = % (says BreadTalk)

Valentine Special - GHOST

Before Sam was murdered, he promised Molly he would love and protect her forever.

Sam (Patrick Swayze): Tell Molly I love her.
Oda Mae (Whoopi Goldberg): Sam says he loves you.
Molly (Demi Moore): Sam would never say that...

Sleepy Hollow

anck su namun needs to get a-head in her life...

Red House Seafood

Considering that most downtown restaurants and eateries will be booked to the brim tomorrow (guess what special day it is?), why not drop in to The Quayside's Red House for their signature dishes like Custard Tiger Prawn, Canadian Geo-duck Clams and Scottish Razor Clam with minced Garlic? We hear nu'er hong will also be served.

Chris-sent-the-mum

Gong kia Chris wants to woo girl of his dreams, but is too shy to do so. He sent his mum to buy flowers for her, but the latter - thinking it was for bai sua - bought kek huay (chrysanthemum) instead of roses. The girl slapped him so hard he became gao kia!

JUDGE JUDY

One of the more preposterous small claims cases presided/arbitrated over by the cold-sober Judge Judith Sheindlin involved a turd suing his employer over a paper cut.
Hmm...just joking?

The 'Nut' Post: CNY & Me

A pair of peachy CNY siblings5bedecking the 'ballistic shield' of my cubicle on the sixth day of revelry (read: red packets 'running dry').
Morning: 1) Attended to e-mail enquiries and hate mails directed at me. 2) Got 'implicated' in an essentially finance/academic based meeting (I'm marketing!). 3) Coined my very own Word of the Day!

Noon: 1) Had niang dou fu and deep-fried 3-in-1 nian gao fritter for lunch. 2) Routinely headed over to Jason's with Jimmy and Lincoln. 3) Purchased ciggies for the first time in my life (but they're not for me).

Afternoon: 1) Post-lunch lethargy for the longest period of time imaginable. 2) Attended to Sabrina our former DMT student who's now keen in taking up DPE-T. 3) Wasted no time in clocking out at 1800 hours sharp.
Elvis had left the building!

The Vent II

What with all the unnerving talk about 'Bar-Wa-Nee' and the Little Raffles poltergeist, Banshee Productions is proud to present the long awaited sequel to 'The Vent'. This time, an elevator repairman discovers fluid leakage from the aperture only to be confronted face-to-face by (cue suspenseful music) a pissing monkey!

Hitch

Problems finding a partner on V-Day? Afraid of looking like a dateless loser in front of your friends (and relatives)? We have just THE solution for you! At Hitchoo, our 'engagement experts' - all three of them - can secure you a hot stead latest by two working days (excluding weekends and public holidays). Don't ask us where we find 'em, it's none of your business!