PCK on MRT

Phua Chu Kang, the once-best lao beng contractor in Singapore, JB and some say Batam, has traded his Mazda Bongo for a decade's supply of Ez-Link stored value tickets so that he can terrorize unwary passengers on our subway trains. Just when you thought it's safe to try out the new Circle Line...

Shape Up, or Ship Out

Don't worry, the G7 will have their day in tribunal when they launch a tirade against the bureacrats. Let the mudslinging begin!

The Big Bra Sale

All you big gurls out there, it's time to augment that wardrobe of yours with some size 'L' brassieres. And what better occasion to do so than now, when the Great Singapore Sale's just kicked off. Get a few pieces for your Ah Ma, as well!

Penta Hedgehogs

As the deadline to ION Orchard's grand opening draws harrowingly close, architects and engineers (actually they're more like construction workers) at Penta Ocean are feeling the pressure. So, what's the best solution? Hibernation, of course!

nom de plume

Five years ago, I penned a ten-page short story titled Ghost-Writer (alt: nom de plume) under the pseudonym Penny Peroxide. Here's the opening extract:

"As the early morning glaze gently penetrates the chenille curtains..." The Old Man merrily recites to himself as he saunters into his roomy penthouse study with a view.

His long-time valet and confidante, Mr. William Faust, is waiting on him by his huge oak table with a cup of freshly brewed coffee in his hand and a copy of the London Daily tucked under his arm...

Sakae Sushi

As part of lavishing their entertainment budget on longtime clients like MMI, SPH Brenda and her considerably less 'cleavageous' lady boss Judy (who arrived later) treated me and my manager Steven to sumptuous Sakae Sushi lunch @ Wheelock Place today! We were encouraged by the former to order absolutely anything and everything we want, but - alas - there was only so much each of us could eat :-S

For me, I had (among an assortment of à la carte sides):

5Yakimono Moriawase ($25.99) - similar in presentation to the 'flamous' Seafood Platter by Fish & Co. and The Manhattan Fish Market.

5Ebi Fry Temaki ($2.29) - Japanese-style tortilla wrap (with seaweed).

5Tempura Ice Cream ($3.99) - partaken with the rest. I believe it was vanilla flavored.

Duanwu Festival

Today's Dragon Boat Festival, a much muted affair here in Singapore (which explains why it's not a public holiday for us - unlike in China, Hong Kong and Taiwan).

Not everyone eats zongzi and those who do may not know its backstory with the Zhou Dynasty poet Qu Yuan. And, IMPO, aside from the jacked-up prices, none can beat my late granny's culinary skills when it comes to making these glutinous rice dumplings.

Dump (in) Me

"Yelp! Yelp! Help save the planet. Recycle bones and cartilage!"

Will Work for Food

Give Buffalo Bill the day off, for I have not a scruple about pulling this two-wheeler all the way from River Valley to North Bridge Road. Making ends meet is a day-to-day challenge, so every penny needs to be pinched. I'd be rich if these goods are Tamiflu!

Christina Ricci

Like a wild passion flower blooming amongst a bed of cultivated roses, erstwhile child star Christina Ricci in my book earns her stature as one of LaLa Land's more unconventional sex symbols - enigmatic and oddly beautiful.

Followers of her career will also attest to her acting chops witnessed in early works MERMAIDS, THE ADDAMS FAMILY and NOW AND THEN.

The Greenhouse

Well-trained in the art of torture and psychological warfare, Wilson Daniel Armstrong regularly utilizes the rooftop greenhouse of 72 South Bridge Road to roast his bound subjects on their knowledge of website infringement and 'human whiskers'. What?!

Happy Pay Steamboat

Tian Tian Huo Guo along Tan Quee Lan Street (opposite Bugis Junction) may have garnered some bad reviews from hardcore food fanciers here, but for an amateur steamboater I can't complain much. The dual soup base - chicken wonton & mala spicy - was a good idea, although one could even go for three. And as far as the seafood's concerned, they're pretty fresh. Forked out $16.00++ all in all (and happy to pay).

Popeye

Kids, now, if you lift your dumbbells and eat your spinach, then you can be as strong as Popeye the Sailor Man, defeat the terrible Bluto and win the heart of twiggy Olive Oyl. Or, you can dream on. Peet peet!

Looks Like Eudora

Never mind who Eudora is again, but for a nanosecond there I thought I was transported back in time to 2001 when I turned to my left on the bus and saw this 'stubby' girl taking more than forty winks beside 'Fakeshi Kaneshiro'.

Cruise to Nowhere

I truly admire and applaud people who name ship modeling as one of their hobbies. I mean, this indulgence not only costs money (just look at those parts) but also takes a painstaking amount of time. I, for one, am not cut out for it; heck, I don't even have the patience to complete a 24-piece jigsaw puzzle!

Denver Debacle

In the wake of dwindling television ratings, the so-dubbed ‘Denver Debacle’ (read: controversy over the double-booking of the Pepsi Center between Raw and the NBA Playoffs Game 4) has been nothing but good news for the WWE and its publicity seeking/whoring chairman Vince McMahon, who now wants to file a lawsuit against Nuggets owner Stan Kroenke. Talk about taking the low road and milking the cow dry.

My Humps

The Manchurian Conservatory's contribution to our Little India (MRT Station).

Weighing in

shokudo enforcer sumo-san prepares to headbutt the next freeloader

Sleepwalking

I don't believe in parasomnia – plain and simple. It may be as probable as, say, paranoia or insomnia, but – seriously speaking – I ain't buyin' it. I've not had such an episode before and neither have I known any so-called sleepwalkers in my life. After all, how can one be "eating, bathing, urinating, talking, dressing, driving cars, painting, whistling, dancing, committing murder, or engaging in sexual intercourse" when s/he's not completely awake? And, in that sense, define 'half-asleep'.

Git Some Ink!

What do I think of people who wear tattoos? Why, I think they're cool - provided the ang kongs don't cover their whole body. For guys, the markings make them hunkier; for gals, those trampstamps and whoretags make them hottier!

Spot Any Errant Maids?

Examine this photo closely and see if you can espy any daredevil domestic helper purging safety rules by performing high-risk/altitude home cleaning stunts. As we always say it here, tired of living, issit?

Kissing Gourami

>> Ena(mo)r(e)d Sia spreading some sisterly joy to joieiL >>

Curly Sue

Beo Crescent's most coquettish cat and JHM's biggest threat, Mrs. King (a reusable arbitrary kitty name since Tanjong Pagar), taking her stairwell slumber presumably after Mdm Tong's early morning treat. Be careful of narrow steps and nasty stompers!

Mardi Gras in Singapore?

Painting the town WHITE and basically scaring the bejeezers outta broods...

RED THREAD

I don't know why Channel 5 producers see the dire need to (try and) outvie their vis-à-vis over at Channel 8 by trotting out their own 40-part 'blockbuster drama' RED THREAD in the good ol' family-feud-saga tradition of - *gasp* - MASTERS OF THE SEA??
Firstly, 40 × 30-minute episodes don't a blockbuster maketh; it's called prime time-lite. Secondly, vengeful + visually impaired protagonist (or antagonist?) Alex Sung (Adrian Pang, who appears to have problems playing blind) is too precarious for viewers to spend time with. Thirdly, we don't articulate the way the characters do; we use Singlish :-P

Golden Pillow 933

Dear Mr. Tong Lee Song (Managing Director),

We'd tried your famous Golden Pillow Curry Chicken Bun and must say it was really delicious. The gravy was thick and there was so much bread that we couldn't finish it (my mom fed it to the birds). For $12.80 (discounted to $12.30) the meal-for-two/three was really worth it.

However, we've got a major gripe here about the location of your 'shop' (read: factory). On your website, under Our Menu, it says Chef's Recommendation, Appetizers & Fried Dishes, Salad and Dessert, so we naturally assumed you were running a restaurant. But we didn't descry the words Our Delivery Products above them - our bad - and went on a wild goose chase to look for your place, which we understood had been relocated from South Bridge Road (near Maxwell Food Centre) to Enterprise One at Kaki Bukit. Very inaccessible!

As it turned out we were seriously misled/mistaken. Your 'shop' was in fact really a factory for take-outs and deliveries. Feeling stupid and shortchanged, we nevertheless went ahead and ordered the aforementioned set to be cash-and-carried home - via bus then MRT - although we're sure it would be our first and last time.

Regards,

Less-than-satisfied Customer

What Ah Ger Wants, Ah Ger Gets

"Mommy, mommy, take me to Snow City! I wanna go skiing and snowboarding, and I wanna make friends with Mr. Polar Bear! I promise I'll be a good girl for the rest of May. I'll listen to you and daddy, okay? Please??"

EXPOSÉ (PG)

BE HEEDFUL TO KEEP YOUR CASHCARDS AND CREDIT CARDS IN YOUR BAGS. MORE IMPORTANTLY, BE MINDFUL TO KEEP YOUR PRIVATE PARTS IN YOUR BRAS AND BRIEFS.

Quote from TAKEN

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you." – Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson)

Tempura Bentō

From My Dining Room @ Kopitiam. In hindsight, I should've ordered the smoked + sauced unagi (freshwater eel) set, instead. Kondo, neh.

Scrubs

Even lavatories in Swissôtel The Stamford rely on these.

Montauk Monster

This half-charred carcass of an un-identified creature was washed ashore on a beach near Montauk, New York, in July last year. Speculated to be a Plum Island science experiment on a raccoon, I'm beginning to feel sorry for this 'Hound of Bonacville' – whatever species it may be.

The Monk

Texting the Scripture Without Words to his abbot in Lhasa.

Addicted

Credit to the White Collar Punk for bringing my attention to this 23-year-old pair of 'best friends' Janine Khalil (top left) and Sue Son (top right) from the BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT auditions (yes, they're still on).

Collectively christened as Addicted (to music, we gather), the classical duo performed - or attempted to perform - a fusion piece titled Chance, to which cantankerous Simon interjected: "I thought the song was dreary and indulgent, and I don't see where you're going with this."
The girls were subsequently buzzed off the stage, only to have the deliberating judging panel recall Sue, a virtuoso violinist in her own right, back to the grilling grid. The deal: She would be granted one more tryout the day after, but only if she ditched her under-par keyboardist partner. "I'm speechless. I don't know." The Purcell Secondary School of Music graduate reacted in her all-so-crisp British accent, bearing shades of Vanessa 'Hotness' Mae.

Anywho, to keep a long story short, Sue Son aced her solo trial with flying colors and - last we heard from the grapevine - Janine fell under the sway of the green-eyed monster. Quoting Jack Nicholson's President James Dale from MARS ATTACKS!: "Why can't we all just get along?"

Spice Up Your Life

What's a complete meal without a 'tinge' (read: avalanche) of chilli? Me and ma mom, we're expert cili eaters. Whether it's the pictured Sin Sin 'hot sauce' (as the Gringos would call it) or chopped padi, these tongue tinglers are as welcome in our household as turkeys on Thanksgiving - not that we celebrate it at all :-S

Saint Glass

ora et labora (pray and work)

Oh, Terl!

"What was he thinking?" The Los Angeles Times queried. Indeed, just what was staunch Scientologist John Travolta thinking when he accepted the thankless role of Terl the Psychlo in the universally panned, multiple Razzie winning BATTLEFIELD EARTH and donned that moronic mane? 'Inner voices', mehbeh?

Stomping Ground

C Completed my Monday double bill - after streaming TAKEN on SurfTheChannel this morning - with a 2.50 p.m. screening of STAR TREK at Golden Village Tiong Bahru. Good to have two cinemas (the other being GV Grand @ Great World City) in the vicinity, I say. C

The Abyss

An exoskeletal specimen that invokes in us a sense of curiosity about deep sea marine life as much as concern over excessive see hum used in our last plate of satay bee hoon.

Happy Mother's Day

...to (in alphabetical order) Carol, Chelvi, Dlina, Doreen, Esther, Firdaus, Gina, Hafiza, Huili (my sis), Ila, Jane, Jaslin, Kavetha, Leonie, Leslie, Marilyn, Monika, Nadia, Parnam, Saras, Vicky and Yvonne. Did I omit anyone?

Durian Ice Kacang

What we expect of air batu campur (ABC) - 'cept for the mucus-like topping. As one Balam Road resident would exclaim, it's "ge li".

SAM

the dreadlocks posse's here to support the rastafari movement

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pwned

Easy does it. Limpy still wants to play sepak takraw @ Whitley.

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The Skiver

Boss: Yuk Foong?
YF: Yes, Mr. Seet?
Boss: I'll be in a bit later.
YF: Okay, but the coach company already chasing payment.
Boss: Never mind them. What're you doing?
YF: Updating the tour itinerary.
Boss: Are you sure you're not reading newspapers? Because I heard something from the other colleagues.
YF: No, Mr. Seet. I never eat snake during working hours. Don't anyhow listen to them.
Boss: Good.