Bigger & Kinkier

Hotel 81 goes Osaka (click on photo to see signboard) as it now offers a wider (and kinkier) range of services including 'baby play', 'virtual date' and other sub-genres of Japanese erotica.

The Shift

Not of paradigm, but pertaining to my working hours this week. So, how do I keep myself occupied in the evenings (6-10 p.m.) during an afternoon shift? Well, other than making 'calls' to facsimile numbers, passing recycled paper through the laminator and swiping my Ez-Link card non-stop on our NETS and credit card machines, I don't actually have much to do...

Hitched!

Congratulations to 楊 過 & 小 龍 女 on their BIG DAY!

President's Young Talents

Is it going to be Donna Ong (Dissolution), Felicia Low (The Stimulus and the Conversation), Twardzik Ching Chor Leng (Lifeblood) or Vertical Submarine (A View with a Room)? You vote, you decide. Text TALENT to 43657 now and keep your favorites in the competition!

Liver Clues

Embark from the Raffles landing site (above - just one of nine boarding points along the Singapore River) and "fall in love with century-old godowns and shophouses restored to their original grandeur and rejuvenated into some of the most enchanting and chic quayside dining and entertainment destinations". Dayam! That's more 'ands' than freckles on Lindsay Lohan.

Keep Your Day Job

This is our cordial advice to shameless media whore Steven Lim, who sees a constant need to be in the limelight - or the antumbra of it (ref: his recent 'crashing' of the Chris-Fann pre-wedding party). You're better off as a Propnex agent, pal. Who knows?

Sapporo's Sweets

Hokkaido ice cream (with red bean paste, dumplings, fruit and Kanten-jelly) from Azabu Sabo. A toothsome treat!

Price: $7.80

Hairy Princess

Royalty comes with a price; besides having to fend off pesky paramours, sassy-kawaii princesses also have to tackle trichoptilosis. Now that's a real hairy problem!

3 2 1 CONTACT

"Contact is the secret. It's the moment when everything happens..." Rings a bell? Or how about "Whenever there's trouble, we're there on the double. We're the Bloodhound Gang..."? No? We have a generation gap here, then. Sigh.

Ripple Effect (NC16)

All we're saying is, think about the consequences. We're not dead against 'road heads' (cum on), and will gladly plug it like the 'Speak Good English' campaign. But, have you thought about the RIPPLE EFFECT it may cause? Accidents? Explosions? Impotency?

Lion City

While 'gallivanting' (thanks, Gina!) for preschools around Serangoon Central, I saw this void deck cityscape done up by the students of Nanyang Junior College. Methinks the Merlion's spewing a sea of mist that enshrouds our CBD? (*Cough, cough*)

Reminiscence

Josh's preppy Pris at church camp, harking back to last Christmas' nativity musical. Shades of Sandy Lam?

Chippy

After gorging Chippy British Take Away's fried Mars balls in the last dessert raid, Uncle Tan went totally fritter-crazy this time round with their cheesy curry chicken (top left) and beer-battered fish (top right) for a debit of $9.00, which is affordable in any account book. Expect repeat business :-)

The Truth About Cats & Dogs

It doesn't take a zoologist to tell you that there's some screwy size discrepancy in this diagram. Unless that's Hercules the English Mastiff and Bitsy the, um, stray, there's no friggin' way a cat can look so dwarfed by a dog. Right, folks??

The Reader

"Maybe I'll grow mammillae like Kate Winslet's upon completing this chapter..."

SE7EN

5Keep the coffee hot: It's gonna be a long night ahead (and we haven't even gotten to the contents of the box yet).

Armed with an ingenious concept and intriguing premise, the morbid and macabre SE7EN helped launch the careers of stylish director David Fincher and intense lead actor Brad Pitt, who stars as cocky young cop David Mills broken in by his retiring predecessor Detective William Somerset (Morgan Freeman). Together, they investigate a series of ritualistic murders perceptibly inspired by the seven cardinal sins - Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride - and committed by one psychopathic John Doe (Kevin Spacey). A yardstick for films like THE BONE COLLECTOR and most notably SAW.

Locking Horns

Red Bull Racing may not boast such marquee names as spring-whacked Massa and 'fire-pants' Hamilton, but - hell - their drivers are all 'taurinated' and given wings! Now can you dig that, sucka?!

Flowers in the Wind

Watching these five-petaled florets flutter ever-so-gracefully in the midday autumn breeze tends to take one's mind off a few things - like how grievous working life can be and how corruptive absolute power can be.

Split Personality Disorder

Medically known as dissociative identity disorder, this is "a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a condition in which a single person displays multiple distinct alter egos, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment". Even though the topic/validity of DID is commonly disputed, one cannot deny the scariness of it. I'm reminded of Edward Norton in PRIMAL FEAR; the tagline to that movie goes: "Sooner or later, a man who wears two faces forgets which one is real." (*Shudder*)

Get Healthy! (A Story)

Good morning, guys! How healthy a lifestyle are you leading? A trip to HealthZone @ Health Promotion Board will do you much good!

5First, try tugging with this sumo rikishi at the Fitness Funhouse.

5If you don't feel up to the task, then perhaps it's time to nix nicotine before smoking kills you.

5You are what you eat...

5...even if you're serving house arrest at the Exciting Eatery.

5Remember to brush your teeth after meals; otherwise, you'll be strapped down to this dental chair and drilled by Tooth Terrain's Dr. D. K. Kevathy (Decay Cavity).

5Taking care of yourself is especially important as you advance into your senior years...

5...because, with the right mindset and passion, you can make life more fulfilling!

He Purrs

All my three cats - Jerry, Hogan (pictured) and Mandy - have the habit of purring. No doubt that all domesticated cats do (as a display of contentment or anxiety), but Ah Gan - in particular - is fully capable of setting off the 'soliciting purr'. At least he doesn't knead much anymore.

Fiber Up!

Sembawang must've won the 'Healthiest Housing Estate' for many years in a row now. Kudos to its town council for constantly reminding residents the importance of fruit intake - although I can get so anal about that unsightly double●●spacing!

Linda for Senate

In a breaking industry news of sort, WWE CEO Linda McMahon has resigned from her high-profile post as the public face of the integrated media and sports entertainment company to run for the U.S. Senate against 5-term incumbent Senator Chris Dodd in 2010 because "I can't sit on the sidelines anymore".

A self-proclaimed Republican and fiscal conservative, the 60-year-old McMahon will be contesting against Democrat Dodd for the state of Connecticut, in which she has been residing and serving for over 30 years. (The WWE HQ, incidentally, is also based in Stamford, CT.)

Planning on bringing "a fresh perspective to the difficult challenges facing our country", the classy wife of WWE Chairman Vince McMahon promises an atypical political campaign where no contributions from PACS or special interest groups will be accepted and other contributions from individuals will be limited to $100. (What can we say? WWE's fucking loaded.)

But you know what'll be really funny (as cited by an online source)? Linda has launched her own YouTube channel; what if serious voters click on 'related videos' and see clips of her on the receiving end of a Tombstone by Kane or Stone Cold Stunner by Steve Austin? Wahaha...

In Progress

Spading shit (read: stool) will take some time; bear widdit!

Wireless@SG

With a wider coverage in the upcoming years, will the upwardly mobile obtain wireless broadband connectivity, say, in Chek Jawa? You never know.

Good Cop

"Don't let my congenial smile gull you - I don't take bribes."

Beneath Heaven Lake

On the border of the PRC (China) and the DPRK (North Korea) is the heavenly crater lake Tianchi, and beneath this lake purportedly lives not one, not two, but six - or even more, considering the size of the caldera - plesiosaurs! A couple of years ago, a local news station ran a 20-minute video capturing a sextet of seal-like creatures with fins swimming in pairs - and in parallel - on the scenic volcanic lake. That's five more Nessies for your money's worth!

I Pee Pee Tea

From silvering the IPPT (Individual Physical Proficiency Test) to flunking the IPPT to basically defaulting the IPPT on an annual basis, this NSman has turned from a fit dude to a feeble duck to a completely chargeable offense! What a dramatic fall from grace!

Hamburger Set

If it wasn't due to an exasperating encounter I wouldn't be happily helping myself to a $6.90 hamburger set consisting of carrots, broccoli, an 'egg blanket' and, of course, ground meat patty. Yumster!

extra

Roll Out!

In this non-elimination leg of 'Garang Warrior', gung-ho competitors must complete a 1-furlong obstacle course involving giant thread spools, carpeted grass and electric needles. Go figure!

Mach3

A closer shave every time, but you won't get lucky forever.

Your New IDOL Judge

When and after Paula Abdul whined her way out of AMERICAN IDOL last month (because she wasn't getting paid as much as Ryan Seacrest, let alone Simon Cowell), the world was left wondering who would be roped in to fill her shoes. As it turns out, that person is none other than Ellen DeGeneres – as revealed by herself on her own show in an announcement that immediately polarized fans. What's your take?

Clogs

Didn't those laborious 紅 頭 巾 (Samsui women) used to wear two-teeth red wooden clogs all the time? We would hear click clock click clock when they ambled along the narrow kaki limas (five foot ways). It's much rarer, I surmise, to see cha kiak these days - 'specially outside an HDB flat. (It so happens my next-door-neighbor owns a pair.)

Crematorium

~ Condolences on your pet's passing; please wait for the ashes - and any sharira we may find ~

Name Your Price

THE PRICE IS RIGHT announcer Rich Fields must either be an 'auto-fetishist' (er, a lover of automobiles??) or a sadist bent on giving the audience a heart attack whenever he says "a brand new CAAAR!!!". Protrusive, but priceless.

Chong Where?

No offense whatsoever to the residers of Chong Pang, but you know your estate's off the radar when it's not even informatized on Wikipedia. Apart from a military camp operated by the RSAF, what else is there? Anyone care to share?

Sent to Sentosa

There are many a way one can get to Pulau Blakang Mati – by foot, bus, car, taxi, MRT, Sentosa Express, cable car and even ferry (in the past, that is). But whichever mode of transport we choose to take, it's still 'Death from Behind'. What?

9.9.09

Today, on the ninth of the ninth of the ninth, more couples are solemnized at Canning Rise and more babies are also delivered via Cesarean section at Kandang Kerbau. Why? Because we Singaporeans are so pantang?

You Can't See Me

Yoko, oh no! Your sneer gave you away!

Shaka Zulu and His Women (PG)

"He who dares ridicule my lehperd-preent loincloth shall die by this spear!"

"Curb your fury, great chieftain. Tonight we guarantee titty fun!"