Who Wants to Play with Me?

I flat-outly flop at Xiangqi ( 象 棋 ). An amateur player could plainly beat my entire army with a solitary soldier – and that's embarrassing. What do you expect? I'm not Chong 'GESS >> HCJC' Kian Beng, who at one time was ranked 4th (or 6th?) in Singapore. At least I know the movements of each individual piece, 'kay!