BAYWATCH

It's been Guinnessed as "THE most watched TV show in the world of all time" (with over 1.1 billion viewers), a declaration that continues to baffle me till this day (move aside, CSI!). Just where did these bold digits come from? Certainly not from CJ Parker's (Pamela Anderson) empty head?

At any rate, those Los Angeles County Lifeguards must have the most enviable livelihood in the world. I mean, all they do day in, day out is run around with their designer kisbies and look pretty (even for the guys). If anything else, more time's devoted to BGR than CPR. Drowners? What drowners? And who cares?

Methinks executive producer and star David 'AMERICA'S GOT TALENT' Hasselhoff has a fetish for flesh parades...then again, who doesn't? And how do we sign up?